Talk yourself into positive change

We all have one. You know—that voice in your head. The one that rides around in there, making comments about everything. All too often, it’s the voice of a critic who seems to enjoy putting you down.

Sometimes, that voice talks positive change to you: “Oh, nice one! What a stupid thing to say!” Sometimes, it talks through you: “I look so bad and dump today !! ” Why does that voice hardly ever say anything positive?

That voice is made up of all the voices you heard as you were growing up. Those were the voices of people who wanted to keep you safe: They wanted to protect you from disappointment: “Do you really think you can do that?” And maybe, they spoke to you from the negative voices inside of their own heads: “Look what you did, you little brat!

But you’re an adult now. And this is your head. You don’t need to say mean and negative things to yourself. Instead, you can decide to talk to yourself in a positive and supportive way.

In fact, you can change your behaviour by changing how you talk to yourself. Scientists who study the human brain say that in many ways, the mind is like a computer. It runs on a program. So, if your mind hears you saying, “I can’t do anything right!” or “I’m too old to go back to school” it does its best to make sure you follow your own negative orders. But if you replace those negative orders with positive ones, you can begin to re-program your mind. Say positive things to yourself and you’ll start to live them.

Steps to follow

1.Listen before you talk

Before you can talk positively to yourself, you have to know what to say. Start by listening to that voice in your head really closely.

• Carry paper and a pen with you for a day. Every time you hear that critic in your head, write down what that voice is saying.

• The critic in your head probably has a list of favourite put-downs. Write out this list.

• Listen for the negative way you respond to compliments

• Listen for the negative things you say out loud about yourself to others: “I couldn’t do that if I tried.”

2.Talk Back to Your Critic

Take your critic’s negative comments and write them out in a list on the left- hand side of a piece of paper. Now, try talking back to your critic. On the right- hand side, opposite the negative comments, see if you can create positive “uppers” out of those negative “downers.”

3.Talking to yourself

When you do the exercise you create a list of your own personal, positive affirmations. An affirmation is a saying that affirms or makes a strong statement about something. Your critic’s voice can make you feel shaky and unsure of yourself. It puts you down. But your own personal affirmations can make you feel stronger and more sure of what you’re doing. They’ll help you create the positive changes you’re trying to make.

So, put your affirmations to work for you! Use them to replace the critic in your head. Here’s how to do it :

• Listen for that voice in your head.

If you feel it biting into you, say to yourself, “Stop!” Take a deep breath and turn the put downs into affirmations (just like you did in the exercise, above).

•Write out your affirmations. Put them up where you’ll see them: on your mirror, in your
car, in your daytimer, in your textbook, on your night table, etc.

• Take a positive affirmation and add to it. For example, start with a statement like, “I like to learn” and build it into a script: “I like to learn. I can learn anything I decide I want to learn. I look forward to learning something new every day. Every day, I leam new things at school, about the world around me, about myself. I’m good at learning. I like to leam.”

Now, read your script out loud, first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

• Talk back to the critic in your head. Out loud, when you’re alone; under your breath when you’re not.

Don ’t be discouraged if you have trouble talking back to the critic in your head or if you forget to sometimes. Most of us find that it’s all too easy to be down on ourselves. Your critic has been with you for a long time. It’ll take a while to replace that voice. Just take a few deep breaths. Then read or say your favourite affirmation. Remember— you are changing every day in the ways that are right for you.

You’ve heard the saying, “You are what you eat.” Well, in a similar way, you become who you tell yourself you can be. That’s why talking back to that voice in your head is so powerful. It will take time and focus, but you can leam to do it. And when you do, you’ll begin to hear (and see!) a positive difference in your life.